Hi! I'm Leo. I enjoy chess (really any board game, as long as I'm winning or not losing too badly), Pokemon, reading, bounce houses, water features, tormenting Seth, playing with Seth, waking up at 6am, climbing, and treasure hunts.
Hi! I'm Seth. I love to explore new places, sing songs, draw silly pictures, be tickled, annoy Leo, play with Leo, have sleepovers with Leo, be generally very active, get the attention of my parents or anyone else, bake, read, and go scooting. Also, treasure hunts.
When we find someone to date or a new friend, we're often looking for people based on common interests. When we have kids, it's different. We don't have a say in the interests our children bring to this world, however, we can expose them to new and different things that we ourselves are interested in. I've been thinking about this balance quite a bit lately - how do we nurture our kids' innate and developmental interests while also introducing them to carefully selected activities that we ourselves are interested in (and also, in the process, maintain our own identities as people)?
Babies
What's this baby excited about? Who knows?!
Them: Let's face it: unless you're an early childhood development specialist(and maybe even then??), babies' interests can be HELLA boring. Staring at stuff! Trying to grab stuff! Trying to move across the floor! What to do? I tried to approach this time with Leo and Seth like an anthropologist, studying them and reflecting their movements/noises back to them in a mystical parent-child dance. Reading and singing are also aces since babies LOVE them.
You: It is super easy to introduce babies to things you like to do at this stage because literally ANYTHING is a laser light show for them. Also, they can't really stop you. Like parks? Go for a walk with the carrier! Like reading? Read them whatever serial killer mystery you're into - they don't know the difference! Take your baby with you anywhere and everywhere! Point out things! Enjoy eating out with a child who literally can't help but put everything in their mouths!
Ratio of time spent engaged in their interests/time spent engaged in your interests: 20/80. It's all gravy to a baby!
Toddlers
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| He's coming for you... |
Them: Toddlers are beasts of constant motion. Upside: Their interests can change on a minute to minute basis so if you're bored, chances are they'll be moving on in a hot second. Downside: When they do find something that they really love to do, they want to do it 9 bajillion times in a row even if said activity is roughly 3.2 seconds long. If your toddler loves to do something, get in there with them. GAME FACE ON: nothing has ever been more interesting than trains. Speech and Language pathologists recommend building up your kid's language skills by repeating what they say and adding an additional word. For example, if your kid says "ball," you say, "red ball". Fun stuff, huh?
You: Toddlers' innate curiosity in the world around them means they're always up for an adventure or new experience. The real trick here is not getting upset when your kid decides that "going on a painting walk at the Met" means "running around and touching things at the Met". Even if the experience isn't what it might be if you were on your own, hey! you're still at the Met!
Ratio: 35/65 Toddlers need their playground time, but the world is basically their playground, so head for the Met with adjusted expectations.
Preschoolers
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| We just went to the library for Library Wednesdays! |
Them: Congrats! You have a preschooler, otherwise known as 3 - 5 year old. In my limited experience from babysitting and parenting, this is the age when kids really start to get into specific hobbies or activities. For Leo, this was prime track building time; for Seth, give him a mixing bowl or a broom 'cause he loved to cook and clean. This is also prime "I'm learning how to manage my feelings time" so they will definitely let you know what they want to do and when they want to do it. This is a great time to really lean into whatever your kid is interested in: buy related picture books! plan activities! maybe even start to leave them alone for a bit while they play independently in a safe area!
You: As our kids became more capable, we also started to feel the pull of wanting to introduce them to hobbies that we really like...with mixed results. The kids were more than happy to go to a demo ballet class or play a board game...ON THEIR TERMS. They would participate in whatever way they wanted (see above re: feelings) with complete disregard for how much we wanted them to be interested in something (how very...preschool...of them). For us, this particular age was a great time to keep doing the same sorts of activities(reading! parks! sensory play!) that we had already been doing, while also focusing on growing their social emotional skills, which is both an interest of mine and also critical to their happiness.
Ratio: 70/30. "I do what I want. Also, I'm constantly grouchy. JUICE." - most every preschooler
Young School Age (where we are now)
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| Working hard at school age things. |
Them: Your kids are still having feelings, but are hopefully more able to manage them(as long as they're well-rested, well-fed, healthy, and it's not a Tuesday) PLUS they have specific interests that they want to talk about all the time that you perhaps do not know anything about/or have zero interest in (ahem chess ahem Pokemon ahem). This is great news because it is SUPER easy to figure out topics that you can connect with your kid about. There is certainly a fair amount of submission involved here, but the extent to which your kids get excited when you express interest in what they are spending 97% of their waking hours thinking about makes it more than worth it.
You: Good news! With increased emotional regulation comes a renewed willingness to try new things. And with great power comes great responsibility. Deciding which interests of yours to expose your impressionable K-2nd grader to is perhaps the trickiest decision I've come across as a parent. On the one hand, it's an AMAZING feeling to bond over a shared love of Calvin and Hobbes. On the other hand, it's hard not to feel disappointed when a favorite movie goes over as well as unrequested vegetables. If our experiences so far have been any indication (and this is similar to what I said about toddlers above), introduce your kids to new things that you love that are age appropriate, but don't force them to do anything they aren't interested in. That's how you wind up in the second hour of Frozen with two petrified children yelling, "Turn it off!!" while you stubbornly cling to your fantasies of all singing along together as a family. Not that I would know...
Here are some things we've been loving doing together as a family lately:
Nailed It/American Ninja Warrior/World of Dance: These are shows that Eric and I genuinely enjoy(ok, I enjoy World of Dance) and which we can watch with the kids. We do a lot of talking about having a growth mindset while watching and enjoy cheering all of the participants on.
Treasure Hunts: My mom loved putting on treasure hunts for us when we were little and I am no different. Write some clues, place some "prizes," and send them off!
Ingenious: Eric and I have loved this board game for years and have recently started playing it with the kids who also enjoy it, Leo more so than Seth probably because of their ages.
Ratio: 60/40, give those interests time to grow!
Future
I hope that as Leo and Seth get older we can continue to find equilibrium between nurturing their interests and introducing them to ours, both for their emotional well being and for our sanity. It is my greatest hope that our kids always feel supported in their interests, while also connecting to our interests as well. Or you know, at least 70% the former, 30% the latter.
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