Unsolicited: Parenting Stories and Advice

Whenever people asked me whether I wanted to have a boy or a girl while carrying Leo and Seth, I usually said, we don't care, we just want a baby who is happy and healthy!  Sometimes I would say, there are pluses and minus to both!  Rarely did I say what I was actually thinking: that a baby's biological gender doesn't say anything for certain about the personality of that child or even necessarily about the gender that they will eventually identify as. Because most people see this answer as crazy-pants-hippie-talk. Don't get me wrong - there are certainly stereotypical boy and girl traits that are embodied by many boys and girls.  These are stereotypes for a reason - they are common.  We all know what these traits are: boys are tough, girls are gentle.  Boys love trucks, girls love dolls.  The list goes on.  When people ask "Boy or girl?", I am sure that these are the traits that they are picturing.  These expectations, though, feel wrong to pin on any c

Stats: 6 lbs, 10 oz; 20.5 inches long This has pretty much been Seth's first month - lots of sleeping.  Despite his quite exciting delivery, Seth has (so far) been rocking the title of "Flexible Second Child", originated by Aunt Elizabeth. Seth spent his first week in the NICU, first on a breathing apparatus and IV fluids, then just IV fluids, and then flying footloose and fancy free.  Our main concern when we first brought Seth home was whether or not he was eating enough, since he was pretty much always snoozing.  I would nurse and then Eric would supplement with pumped milk in a bottle.  Problem was, most of the time Seth was comatose from the nursing and trying to get a bottle into his mouth was quite the ordeal.  So, we decided to chuck the bottle and just nurse.  As it turns out, his weight gain has been great and we've been on no supplementation for about two weeks!   As the month has continued, Seth has been eating more and has been increasingly al

It was a pleasant Tuesday night, about 6:15pm. I was supposed to be at a public meeting, but I'm running late - luckily, I knew we have lots of helpful DOT and MTA staff there already. I stepped off the subway in downtown Jamaica, and immediately get a call from Rachel. Rachel doesn't call me at work very often, so as I'm answering, I'm already figuring it's not good news, and I'm looking around for cabs. Of course, I still was not quite prepared for a call that says "There's so much blood, I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, Leo is with the neighbors". In retrospect, the really remarkable part was just how calm Rachel sounded - outside of the content of the call, she could have been reminding me to pick up milk on the way home. Luckily, I found a yellow cab right away, and had a spirited discussion of the fastest way to Brooklyn Heights at rush hour (we decided to take Atlantic Avenue the whole way). I did call my mother to ask h

Just as I was leaving my office in midtown on Tuesday evening around  6:35 , Ann called me.  She said that Eric had just called her to say that Rachel was on the way to the hospital.  She said she was going to Brooklyn to watch Leo but that, since she had just come from the gym, she needed to shower and change first.  I initially said that I would be coming home, but then on the elevator ride down, I realized that I could get to Brooklyn faster so I headed south instead of north, thinking that by getting there before Ann, I could relieve Eric sooner (even though I had no idea what was happening with Rachel and, remembering the number of false alarms when Leo was born, mistakenly thought it likely that this was the same). I arrived at Eric and Rachel’s apartment about 35-40 minutes later.  When I walked in, all I saw was a woman who I did not know cleaning up ( who I later learned was the nanny from down the hall named Cheri) and an order of take-out sushi that had been delivered. 

On my way out of the building, I was guided by quite the entourage - two EMTs, two police officers, and our doorman Trevor who was looking a little gray.  As they loaded me onto the ambulance, they decided to spend some time debating the best route(men, amiright?) before closing the doors and securing them.  I was in the back of the ambulance with one of the EMTs whose name I can't remember, but what I do remember was him saying, "You'll be my first birth!"  Not exactly what you want to hear, but I was glad that he seemed hopeful.   It's interesting how quickly one's hopes and desires can change based on circumstances.  I went from being sad but accepting of a c-section to desperately wanting one to happen as soon as possible when I was being wheeled out of the apartment building because I felt that that was the only way the baby would have any chance of surviving.  The faster the better.  If I could have convinced the EMT to complete the c-section right the

I can't believe it has been so long since I have written anything - there's a lot to write about: Leo's continuing development into the cutest and pushiest toddler, his speech and cognitive therapy, our living space remodel(or plan to remodel?!?), but a lot of people have been asking about how Seth came into the world 6 weeks early so let's start there. Disclaimer: This is a super graphic and scary story with a happy ending.  Maybe don't read if you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or generally enjoy having your full blood volume. I was diagnosed with placenta previa when I was 20 weeks pregnant.  Placenta previa is when the placenta partially covers or completely covers your cervix.  With Leo, I had a marginal previa which meant my placenta was adjacent to my cervix (like New York and Vermont).  With Seth, I had a complete previa which meant my placenta entirely covered my cervix (like caramel on ice cream).  This causes a problem because if you start to