Unsolicited: Parenting Stories and Advice

Oh. My. Goodness.  Road trips with two kids are no joke.  To be fair, our seven hour car trip to Rochester was mostly Leo maintenance with a handful of Seth thrown in.  Most newborn babies are so easy - they just need to eat and then they are awake and then they cry for a bit and then they fall asleep.  Feeding in the car isn't the BEST time I've ever had - wedged in between two car seats, using my down coat as a Boppy, casually wondering if I should care that I can't feel my legs.  It's annoying to have to stop, but then again, the Little Debbie selection at gas stations tends to be pretty choice.   Leo, on the other hand, different story. We decided to leave at Leo's bedtime so that he would fall asleep in the car and have some snoozes for a couple of hours before reaching the HoJo's where we would be spending our evening.  Why we thought Leo would suddenly sleep great in the car after 20 months of refusing to sleep in the car is a question that a reasonabl

When you're pregnant, everyone wants a happy and healthy baby.   No one asks for a colicky newborn or a baby with serious health complications.  No one says, "I'll take the one who never sleeps, please!"  And this desire is legitimate and true. For me, this remained my dominant feeling for the first few months with Leo.  I was so happy that he was (overall) a happy guy and we were so lucky that he was (overall) healthy.  Yes, I sometimes said, "Why isn't he a better nurser??" or "Must he spit up after EVERY feeding??", but on the whole, I was pretty happy with the child I had birthed.  I think this focus on happy and healthy is easy to sustain...until you hit the time of the milestones.  At the beginning, everyone's baby is pretty much the same.  Sure, there are better sleepers and eaters but most of this can be passed off as "just being a baby." (Again, see above - I totally was jealous of people whose babies didn't require

Since I know a bunch of people who are pregnant with their second kiddo right now (the invasion is coming!!), I thought I'd post a more useful follow-up to my first post about being at home with two kids. Here are some strategies and tools that I've found useful so far. 1. Get shit done before your partner abandons you to the wolves(i.e. leaves for work) : I'm not following this one all the time so far, but the days that I've managed to crawl out of bed after Seth nurses and get dressed, wash my face, and eat breakfast before Eric leaves have turned out to be slightly less crazy than other days.  It's just not possible to rock a newborn while reading to a toddler while eating eggs.  Not gonna happen.   2. Have a routine : While we don't have a "true" routine yet, having my days follow a basic structure is extremely helpful.  It gets me out of the house in the morning and the afternoon and I feel like it grounds Leo a little bit as well.  As a p

This blog post is dedicated to Daniel Tiger, the Fisher Price Electronic Table, anyone who has held Seth or wrangled Leo in the past 4 weeks, and various salted snack foods. For the first six weeks of Seth's life, everyone kept saying "You look great!"  "How are you so well-rested?" "Did you give birth or go to a spa for 6 months?!?  I can't tell!!"  This was incredibly sweet and also incredibly misinformed.  For one thing, having the second baby is delicious raspberry cake compared to the first - especially a preemie who wants to sleep all the time for the first few weeks. Second, I had a ton of support from both Eric and a babysitter who took care of Leo for the first six weeks while I nursed Seth and napped.  I was definitely getting the sweet end of that deal. However, I knew this time was limited and that soon I would be on my own from 8 am - 6 pm, 5 days a week, for the foreseeable future with the often discussed, much feared "two unde

Whenever people asked me whether I wanted to have a boy or a girl while carrying Leo and Seth, I usually said, we don't care, we just want a baby who is happy and healthy!  Sometimes I would say, there are pluses and minus to both!  Rarely did I say what I was actually thinking: that a baby's biological gender doesn't say anything for certain about the personality of that child or even necessarily about the gender that they will eventually identify as. Because most people see this answer as crazy-pants-hippie-talk. Don't get me wrong - there are certainly stereotypical boy and girl traits that are embodied by many boys and girls.  These are stereotypes for a reason - they are common.  We all know what these traits are: boys are tough, girls are gentle.  Boys love trucks, girls love dolls.  The list goes on.  When people ask "Boy or girl?", I am sure that these are the traits that they are picturing.  These expectations, though, feel wrong to pin on any c

Stats: 6 lbs, 10 oz; 20.5 inches long This has pretty much been Seth's first month - lots of sleeping.  Despite his quite exciting delivery, Seth has (so far) been rocking the title of "Flexible Second Child", originated by Aunt Elizabeth. Seth spent his first week in the NICU, first on a breathing apparatus and IV fluids, then just IV fluids, and then flying footloose and fancy free.  Our main concern when we first brought Seth home was whether or not he was eating enough, since he was pretty much always snoozing.  I would nurse and then Eric would supplement with pumped milk in a bottle.  Problem was, most of the time Seth was comatose from the nursing and trying to get a bottle into his mouth was quite the ordeal.  So, we decided to chuck the bottle and just nurse.  As it turns out, his weight gain has been great and we've been on no supplementation for about two weeks!   As the month has continued, Seth has been eating more and has been increasingly al

It was a pleasant Tuesday night, about 6:15pm. I was supposed to be at a public meeting, but I'm running late - luckily, I knew we have lots of helpful DOT and MTA staff there already. I stepped off the subway in downtown Jamaica, and immediately get a call from Rachel. Rachel doesn't call me at work very often, so as I'm answering, I'm already figuring it's not good news, and I'm looking around for cabs. Of course, I still was not quite prepared for a call that says "There's so much blood, I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, Leo is with the neighbors". In retrospect, the really remarkable part was just how calm Rachel sounded - outside of the content of the call, she could have been reminding me to pick up milk on the way home. Luckily, I found a yellow cab right away, and had a spirited discussion of the fastest way to Brooklyn Heights at rush hour (we decided to take Atlantic Avenue the whole way). I did call my mother to ask h

Just as I was leaving my office in midtown on Tuesday evening around  6:35 , Ann called me.  She said that Eric had just called her to say that Rachel was on the way to the hospital.  She said she was going to Brooklyn to watch Leo but that, since she had just come from the gym, she needed to shower and change first.  I initially said that I would be coming home, but then on the elevator ride down, I realized that I could get to Brooklyn faster so I headed south instead of north, thinking that by getting there before Ann, I could relieve Eric sooner (even though I had no idea what was happening with Rachel and, remembering the number of false alarms when Leo was born, mistakenly thought it likely that this was the same). I arrived at Eric and Rachel’s apartment about 35-40 minutes later.  When I walked in, all I saw was a woman who I did not know cleaning up ( who I later learned was the nanny from down the hall named Cheri) and an order of take-out sushi that had been delivered. 

On my way out of the building, I was guided by quite the entourage - two EMTs, two police officers, and our doorman Trevor who was looking a little gray.  As they loaded me onto the ambulance, they decided to spend some time debating the best route(men, amiright?) before closing the doors and securing them.  I was in the back of the ambulance with one of the EMTs whose name I can't remember, but what I do remember was him saying, "You'll be my first birth!"  Not exactly what you want to hear, but I was glad that he seemed hopeful.   It's interesting how quickly one's hopes and desires can change based on circumstances.  I went from being sad but accepting of a c-section to desperately wanting one to happen as soon as possible when I was being wheeled out of the apartment building because I felt that that was the only way the baby would have any chance of surviving.  The faster the better.  If I could have convinced the EMT to complete the c-section right the

I can't believe it has been so long since I have written anything - there's a lot to write about: Leo's continuing development into the cutest and pushiest toddler, his speech and cognitive therapy, our living space remodel(or plan to remodel?!?), but a lot of people have been asking about how Seth came into the world 6 weeks early so let's start there. Disclaimer: This is a super graphic and scary story with a happy ending.  Maybe don't read if you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or generally enjoy having your full blood volume. I was diagnosed with placenta previa when I was 20 weeks pregnant.  Placenta previa is when the placenta partially covers or completely covers your cervix.  With Leo, I had a marginal previa which meant my placenta was adjacent to my cervix (like New York and Vermont).  With Seth, I had a complete previa which meant my placenta entirely covered my cervix (like caramel on ice cream).  This causes a problem because if you start to

Well, we all made it to one year! Leo is alive and well, we are alive and well, and we haven't traded him to a gypsy for a handful of magic beans or anything. There is a lot of anticipation leading up to the one year moment - everything gets easier!  he'll start sleeping till 7am! you'll feel like a human again!  All of this hasn't quite been the case. But just maybe, things are leveling out, and getting just a bit easier. Every day is a new adventure(or a replay of the previous day's adventures), and we do really feel like we're finally settling into being parents.  Leo: In case you ever want to know what you were like when you turned one: You were not yet embarrassed by your parents. That will come later. Like when you read this. You were 31.5" tall (95th percentile), and about 25 pounds (88th percentile). You were wearing mostly 12-18 month clothing and looking quite dashing while doing it.  You were still officially small enough that

Since Leo was turning one this week, we decided to throw him a hootenanny, with a hint of shindig. Luckily, Leo didn't remember the last time we threw him a party in this room, which he left a little, um, lighter.  The room is all decorated (nice crafting Rachel!) It may not look like it, but Leo was pretty excited by the balloons As always, blocks are more interesting than daddy Leo hasn't yet learned how heavy is the head that wears the craft felt crown Leo is confused by this "camera" that people do not talk into Working up an appetite on the play floor You can only have your cake if you finish all your quiche Actually, its your birthday, eat as much quiche as you want, you'll still get cake Forget about blowing out the candles, just give me that cake! Smash cake made by Eric at request of Rachel. Mmmm...cake... Just chillin, eatin' my cake.  The destruction is complete. No one lifts me