Breastfeeding is hard. Expanded. (Eric's title: TMI)

This graphic or variations on it were not helpful at all for me.  It looks like an alien eating a stalagmite.
 I totally advocate hiring an LC.

When you are pregnant, you hear the phrase "Breastfeeding is hard." a lot. In my experience, however, you rarely hear the specifics of why it's hard(or you know, more intensely difficult than anything, ever).*  Maybe it's post-traumatic stress.  Maybe it's that nursing moms don't want to scare away other potential nursing moms. I don't know.  I do know that I was blissfully unaware of everything that can go wrong when you breastfeed. My attitude was sort of, maybe it won't be hard for me? Maybe they just mean you'll be up all night?  If I had been smart, I would have realized that any time there are consultants and support groups for something, it's obviously not going to be a case of "just staying up all night." So, I thought I'd write about the ways that breastfeeding sucked for me.  Literally.  Since really, it sucks for everyone in at least a few ways.  It's just a matter of which particular order of suckage arrives at your door. 

Before I begin, I just want to note that I realize how lucky I and other women are to be able to breastfeed successfully and to be able to even have a baby in the first place.  Clearly, on some level, these are good problems to have.  BUT, that doesn't make them easy problems to have. It should also be said that there are situations where breast milk is best and there are situations where formula is the better choice for everyone involved.  I honestly feel that a big part of why I'm still breastfeeding is that I'm so damn stubborn. 

Beginning Problems

Problem: Babies sometimes don't know how to latch and need to be taught.  This is something that is often said.  What isn't often said is how emotionally and physically draining it is to have a baby who is screaming with hunger refusing to latch onto breasts that have more milk than the corner store. 
What I Would Do Differently: The minute it was clear Leo wasn't latching I would have called a lactation consultant.  Then I would have started pumping after each attempted feed. And supplementing with pumped breastmilk/formula.


Problem: Sometimes babies latch and eat, but they "suck at sucking", don't get enough to eat, and are then hungry an hour later.  Sometimes you don't realize that these babies aren't getting enough to eat, which results in "Extreme Weight Loss: Baby Edition" and your doctor using terms like "failure to thrive".  SOMETIMES these babies are named Leo and go by aliases like, "Give me a damn bottle already."
WIWDD: See above.

Problem: When babies don't remove milk efficiently from breasts, this can result in lower milk supply. Before Leo, I thought breasts just sort of had milk all the time and babies just ate whenever and it was a 24/7 milk store. WRONG. The milk store closes if no one is buying. To prevent this from happening, you need to pump milk at regular and frequent intervals to build and maintain your supply.  
WIWDD: See above.

Problem: One of the best things about bottles is you know exactly how much your baby is eating.  With breasts, until you establish a knowledge of what your breasts feel like when they are full and empty, you really have no idea how much your baby is getting to eat. Could be .5 oz.  Could be 6 oz.  WHO CAN SAY?  Not me.  
WIWDD: I tried using an infant scale to weigh him before and after feeds, but Leo was so wiggly that it was a useless enterprise. Now that I know what breasts feel like when they are empty vs. full, I think it will be easier to tell if the baby is emptying them. Maybe?

Problem: When you have a baby who isn't latching or eating well and you are committed to breastfeeding, you have a couple of options. 1. You can work with a lactation consultant who will charge you lots of money for advice that may or may not be useful(our first was not useful, our second was) AND/OR 2. You can exclusively pump. Exclusively pumping is this little known, super fun gray area of breastfeeding where you pump all the time and give your baby bottles all the time.  This means spending at least 20 minutes, 5 times a day(8-12 times a day in the beginning) on pumping and milk storage.  It's the "dairy cow" of breastfeeding.  
WIWDD: Have a particular treat/watch an awesome TV show during pumping - anything to make it something to look forward to.

New BFF!!!

                                           
Problem: Nipple pain.  Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning.  A lot. Until your breasts get used to it, nursing is all like, Cheese Grater, meet Nipple.  
WIWDD: TMI, but really rough up my nipples before giving birth.  Then, use lots and lots of lanolin.

Problem: When you are the sole source of milk, you are the one doing ALL of the night feedings. This can mean that you are up with the baby 3 times a night, 40 minutes each time(newborns eat really slowly). While I could have made Eric get up with me, that felt cruel considering he was going to work every day and I was not.
WIWDD: I actually developed a good system for night feedings after the first couple of months - sleeping on the couch(closer to his room) and watching dramas on Netflix(highly recommend Satisfaction, which is about a high class Australian brothel). 

Middle of the Road Problems

Nursing gets easier after the first few months, but in some ways it's just as hard. 

Problem: Babies go through these times where they want to eat all of the time because they are growth spurting.  This means that you are literally hooked up a nursing baby or pump(pump every time the baby eats!) ALL OF THE TIME.  Get your West Wing marathon on cause you ain't goin' nowhere.
WIWDD: Accept that there is nothing that I can do and go with the flow.

Problem: Clogged ducts. When the breast isn't emptied adequately, your ducts can clog. This is very painful, plus you aren't producing as much milk.  This has only happened once to me and it was miserable. I tried everything, including things that can't be discussed EVER. Clogged ducts also lead to mastitis, which is the influenza of nursing.
WIWDD: Lots of heat, pumping and/or nursing, and a sprig of parsley between the heat pack and your breast(as suggested by my lactation consultant).

Problem: Distracted baby. Once babies become more aware of their surroundings, they can start to get distracted during nursing. They're all like, nursenursenurseHEYTHAT'SACATOVERTHERE!!! This results in a baby who isn't eating much during the day and only wants to eat at night since nighttime is super boring. Therefore, you aren't sleeping which is good for no one.
WIWDD: Knowing what I know now, nursing in the quiet darkness, and walking around when nursing are fantastic for tricking your baby into eating.

                                                
Problem: If you are breastfeeding and working, then you have to pump ideally every 3 hours while you are at work to provide milk for your baby AND maintain your supply. This eats up lots of your day and is super boring.  If you are super lucky, your office will have a special pumping room where house hunting shows are always on the flat screen and there is snacks available.  If you are me, you are pumping in a 4 x 3 closet in the nurse's office.
WID: I had thought I would use this time to correct papers and lesson plan. HAHAHAHA. I read blogs and watch Youtube on my phone.  Jim Gaffigan's Hot Pockets routine, anyone?

Problem: If you are working and pumping and your baby is at daycare, chances are they will be eating more during the day than you are pumping.  I mean, if you had 8 fussy babies and you could get them to calm down by feeding them extra milk, wouldn't you do it?
What I'm doing: Thank goodness for formula! Delicious, delicious formula.

Don't hate on formula.  Leo would not be here today without it. 

Problem: When you are breastfeeding, you need to make sure that you stay hydrated otherwise you won't produce as much milk.  This means that you have to go to the bathroom even more than you did while you were pregnant.  And no, coffee and Diet Coke unfortunately do not count. 
WID: Staying within 20 feet of a bathroom at all times.  

Problem: When you breastfeed, you are burning calories all the time.  Upside: you can have extra mini candy bars! Downside: You are tired ALL THE TIME.
WID: Going to bed at 8:30. Also, eating mini candy bars. 

Problem: Pre-Leo, when I was sick, I would lie on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself and watching 19 hours of TV.  Now, I either have a baby to nurse OR a pump to connect with every 3 hours.  This is potentially the last thing that I want to be doing when I am violently ill.
WID: Suck it up?

Obviously, these are only some of the difficulties of breastfeeding. I've had friends who've had mastitis, babies with allergies, and a host of other issues.  I'm sure that whenever Leo eventually stops nursing, there will be challenges associated with that as well(I get super emotional about it already).   Nursing Leo now is mostly a pleasure and I look forward to it.  He's just so snuggly! Even though it isn't an easy road, I'd definitely do it again. However, next time, I'll come equipped with more lanolin. 

*So, typing "Breastfeeding is hard" into Google actually gives you a lot of helpful websites.  So, do that!  

A picture of cake.