The worst day. The day where no one wants to nap, it's raining out, and the toddler just threw their 17th tantrum about juice. The day when the playground is closed, the coffee line is too long to wait in, and the baby will just not get their act together and learn how to efficiently crawl, voting instead for being carried everywhere. The day when you couldn't sleep the night before, you ran out of milk, and the husband isn't home yet and it's waaaay past closing time. The worst day.
We have all been there. The day that we thought would never end because it just kept going and going. On these days, parenting feels like the worst of all possible worlds. You're connected to this teeming mass of need at least until they are 18 and you keep wondering, "What about me? Where do I figure into all of this?" These are the days and feelings that people don't like to talk about because they are so raw. And there is so much guilt. There is guilt because we love our children so much and, yet, we are human beings; so, at times, while we love them, we also don't like them very much.
These times are so hard to handle because of everything that's being asked of us as parents and because of the feelings we have about our own feelings. When we are in the midst of the worst day, it is so hard to remember that there will be other days, better days when you get a million kisses and the baby pulls up for the first time and your kids are laughing together like they are each other's most important person. Remembering this fact is critical to surviving the worst day. Every time I have a worst day, I think - Thank goodness every day isn't the worst day. I don't know where I'd be if that were the case.
After both Leo and Seth were born, I saw a therapist who specializes in working with new parents. It was amazing to have someone to listen to me talk for an hour about everything I was going through. It was amazing to have her say, "This is normal. And so hard." We discussed many strategies for making it through the worst days and moments of anxiety. Most of these had to do with mindfulness - or being in the moment that we are in and not projecting our emotions or fears onto that moment. It also concerns not thinking about the past or the future. For the most part, I'm still a complete failure at being mindful(given my thinking about better times instead of "being in the moment" on shitastic days), however I have found a number of the strategies to be very helpful. My favorite involves stepping outside of yourself during a worst day and just describing the situation objectively. "The baby is crying. The toddler is crying. There are strawberries smeared on the floor. The cat just vomited." Doing this instead of spiraling into a thought process of, "Everything is terrible and I am terrible and the children are terrible and where is the chocolate!?" has been so, so helpful for me.
Everyone knows that I love to give advice, especially unsolicited advice. If you are a parent who feels like they are struggling with any of the above feelings (or even if you're not), I highly recommend the book Mindful Motherhood by Cassandra Vieten. And while you're waiting for it to come in the mail, just remember, Thank goodness every day isn't the worst day. There will be another day tomorrow and it will probably be better. And it's okay to give the toddler juice if it'll get you to bedtime.
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