How You Know You're Ready to Leave the Apartment When You Have a Baby

Over the past few months, I've noticed that there are several universal truths about leaving the apartment with a baby(or, at least, universal to me).

The Baby

1. The baby must have some sort of food on his face and/or in his hair which you won't notice until you are far away from any sort of potential cleanser.

2. His outfit must have a stain or a rip, particularly one in a delicate location.

3. He must be all smiles on the way out the door because he is going to poopslode as soon as you reach your destination.

You

4. You must have some food/milk/formula in at least two places on your body, and one of them must be in a delicate location.

5. Your nursing bra must be unstrapped and/or showing.

6. Some element of personal hygiene is lacking (in my case, rat's nest hair).

The Stroller

7. The storage basket must be full of whatever you purchased yesterday but failed to unload.

8. The diaper bag has an extra diaper but it is either one size too small or a swim diaper which renders it useless.

9. The stroller does not contain your phone/keys/wallet.

And, most importantly...

10. You must remember the baby!

Oh, Mom.

Comments

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